Making a Way in the Wilderness

I named this blog "Making a way in the wilderness" after my pastor sent me this verse and message last June: Do not remember the former things, or consider the things of old. I am about to do a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert… -Isaiah 43: 18-20 "As you step into the wilderness, the unknowns and new paths ahead, remember. And when you forget, again, remember. Remember that God is doing a new thing; making a way in this wilderness; making a way with you. You don’t walk this journey alone. Remember, you are never alone. The God of abundant life is here, in the dryness of the desert, in the promise of newness – here, with us." Now, one year after my diagnosis, I can attest that I haven't walked this journey alone, that I have found (or forged) paths in the wilderness and rivers in the desert, albeit sometimes just a trickle of water: calls, notes, emails, texts, cards, and visits ...

Not to compare my suffering to that of Jesus, but I've been thinking about how approaching the one-year anniversary of my diagnosis feels like going through the Stations of the Cross during Holy Week. Every day there's another significant or traumatic event to remember, every day another step closer to the inevitable, culminating moment.  today, June 7: The day my general doctor in Hamburg told me that my x-ray indicated I should get a CT scan. All he could say is that the x-ray showed "infiltration." I had no idea what that meant, or could mean.  June 8: I put off getting a CT scan because I had registered for a photography walking tour with American Women's Club of Hamburg and didn't want to miss it. This was an intentional decision; I didn't want to cancel plans out of fear. I didn't think getting a CT scan was urgent. The thought of cancer never crossed my mind.  On the photography tour, stopping to photograph (and smell) the roses, oblivious to th...

I met with my pulmonologist, Dr. Vilensky, on Thursday to go over the pulmonary function test results and discuss the bronchoscopy. He confirmed that my results improved dramatically compared to last October. I actually was surprised to learn how much I had improved on each of the key measures.  FEV1 (forced expiratory volume) measures "the air you exhale in 1 second. A low FEV1 suggests a breathing obstruction."* May 2023: 91% (vs. 73% in October 2022) (The percentage indicates my result compared to the expected result for a woman my age.) TLC (total lung capacity) is "the total volume of air in the lungs after a maximal inspiration."  May 2023:  83% (vs. 72% in October 2022 and 69% in June 2022) DLCO (diffusing capacity of lung for carbon monoxide,   aka diffusion) " is the extent to which oxygen passes from the air sacs of the lungs into the blood. "  It's an indicator of the extent of lung damage. I believe this indicator is what helps explain my s...