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Waiting

We meet with the oncologist tomorrow (June 30) at 11am. I've never experienced a period of waiting like this. We wait to find out about college or grad school admissions, for pregnancy results, for holidays and vacations, for news on grant proposals and journal manuscripts, for spring to arrive, for planes to depart. Christians wait during Advent and Lent. 

This waiting feels fundamentally different. We will find out if I get to take the easier road (targeted therapy) or the harder road (chemo). Until tomorrow, everything is in limbo. We don't know if we'll be able to take the trips we had planned in July. I haven't started revising my syllabus for the fall because I don't know if I'll be able to teach in person or have to switch to an online course. I don't know if we'll be able to celebrate my 50th birthday in July the way we had planned. I plowed through feedback on chapters for the book I'm co-editing because I don't know what kind of side effects I may have to deal with in the coming weeks and months. It's been difficult not to be able to plan anything. Tomorrow at least we will know what the treatment will entail. We will have a plan, and that will help ease some of the uncertainty.

Comments

  1. KrisJune 29, 2022 at 6:21 AM

    Lots of prayers and a book recommendation -

    https://www.amazon.com/Comfortable-Uncertainty-Cultivating-Fearlessness-Compassion/dp/1590300785

    ReplyDelete
  2. AlyssaJune 29, 2022 at 1:15 PM

    Wishing you certainty, and endurance for all the uncertainty

    ReplyDelete
  3. Marianne KuhnsJune 30, 2022 at 8:29 AM

    Hoping for the very best news. Trying to keep things lighter, the crew arrived yesterday to spruce up your landscape. They are doing a good job, although I'm sure they wondering who the old bat is who is watching them like a hawk. Can't wait for you to come home. xoxo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Esther PrinsJune 30, 2022 at 8:35 AM

      Aww, thank you. I'm glad the yard is looking good.

      Delete

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