Skip to main content

Going home

Tomorrow I will go home after 13 days and nights in the hospital, 10 of them in ICU. Leland is driving me back with supplemental oxygen (if needed) and there will be oxygen at home when we arrive. I've lost 10 lbs. and a lot of muscle. I get winded walking around the hospital room. But I am getting stronger and feeling better every day! Most of the day I haven't needed any oxygen.

The song that keeps coming to mind is Freedom. I can’t say I’ve ever been able to move my body like Jon Batiste and his entourage—and I probably never will, no matter how strong my lungs are—but the song captures how I feel on the inside.

I’ve also been reflecting on Christian Brady's writings on the Psalms and lament. They offer “a healthy model for our own journey through grief: cry to God, lament, confess our faith, call God to action, and praise God.” Excerpts from Psalm 86 resonated with me:

Hear me, LORD, and answer me,
for I am poor and needy.
Guard my life, for I am faithful to you;
save your servant who trusts in you.
You are my God; have mercy on me, Lord,
for I call to you all day long.
Bring joy to your servant, Lord,
for I put my trust in you.
You, Lord, are forgiving and good,
abounding in love to all who call to you.
Hear my prayer, LORD;
listen to my cry for mercy.
When I am in distress, I call to you,
because you answer me….
Teach me your way, LORD,
that I may rely on your faithfulness;
give me an undivided heart,
that I may fear your name.
I will praise you, Lord my God, with all my heart;
I will glorify your name forever.
For great is your love toward me;
you have delivered me from the depths,
from the realm of the dead….
Give me a sign of your goodness,
that my enemies may see it and be put to shame,
for you, LORD, have helped me and comforted me.

***
I can't really say that I have any enemies (or frenemies, for that matter), but I am tremendously grateful to my friends and family, as well as the doctors, nurses, and other healthcare professionals, for being signs of God's goodness during the lowest, scariest time in my life.

Comments

  1. Irene and DeanAugust 9, 2022 at 5:43 PM

    Praising our good God with you, Esther!!! For healing you and bringing you thus far. Love those moves on the Freedom video. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Esther PrinsAugust 9, 2022 at 5:49 PM

      Thank you! Yeah, do not attempt those moves at home!

      Delete
  2. AnonymousAugust 9, 2022 at 5:52 PM

    Rejoicing with you! ~ Kathleen and Rick

    ReplyDelete
  3. TannerAugust 9, 2022 at 6:00 PM

    So glad you are well enough to go home, Esther! Here’s to your continued healing. Matt and I keep rooting for you.

    ReplyDelete
  4. LaraAugust 9, 2022 at 6:08 PM

    Yippee!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Esther PrinsAugust 11, 2022 at 2:11 PM

      Indeed. Classic State College to run into you yesterday.

      Delete
  5. AnonymousAugust 9, 2022 at 6:28 PM

    So glad to hear you are heading home soon! That is a great pace of recovery -- keep climbing those [metaphorical] mountains! M&M&S&A

    ReplyDelete
  6. AnonymousAugust 9, 2022 at 7:03 PM

    It’s wonderful the three of you will together again under the same roof!! Please don’t overdo when you first get home—you’re going to be super tuckered. Godspeed! - Leah W.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Esther PrinsAugust 11, 2022 at 2:11 PM

      Went out for a first walk (with oxygen) today. VERY slow.

      Delete
  7. AnonymousAugust 9, 2022 at 7:38 PM

    Great news!

    ReplyDelete
  8. AlisaAugust 9, 2022 at 8:34 PM

    Safe journey & see you when you get home! Wooohooo! 🥳

    ReplyDelete
  9. AnonymousAugust 9, 2022 at 9:00 PM

    Cannot imagine how good it will feel to be home.

    ReplyDelete
  10. AnonymousAugust 10, 2022 at 2:43 AM

    So happy for you, sis!! And thanks for those inspiring psalm excerpts! (Andy)

    ReplyDelete
  11. Carol CAugust 10, 2022 at 5:59 AM

    Lovely post. So glad that you will be home soon. Enjoy the ride.🎉🎉🎉

    ReplyDelete
  12. Carol F.August 10, 2022 at 8:14 AM

    Happy you get to go home. We know what that feeling is like. Enjoy the ride and take it all in

    ReplyDelete
  13. AnonymousAugust 11, 2022 at 8:06 AM

    Esther, thank you for sharing your journey with us via this blog. I am so glad to hear you are home and being cared for. I have recently walked with one of my best friends through his cancer experience and have seen friends and family rally in miraculous ways. We want to be available to you and your family as well. You are loved! Welcome home! Terry & Kendra Yoder

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cancer- and Tagrisso-versaries

June 14 marked three years since my Stage IV lung cancer diagnosis and on June 30, I will complete three years on Tagrisso targeted therapy.  with my first Tagrisso pills (a sample from my oncologist), June 30, 2022 Every year as June approaches, I feel like I am reliving my own Stations of the Cross, recalling what happened each day as I walk toward the inevitable, gut-wrenching diagnosis: my GP telling me the x-ray showed “infiltration” and recommending a CT scan, getting the CT scan and the radiologist (and Leland) thinking I had TB, being sent to the LungenClinic, the doctor ruling out TB and telling me cancer was one of 3 possible explanations for my symptoms, but that it was "unlikely" because of my age, and so on. Not long ago, a Stage IV lung cancer diagnosis was a sure, quick death sentence. A researcher who wrote an article  commemorating the 20 th anniversary of the discovery the EGFR (epithelial growth factor receptor) mutation driving my cancer recalled that i...
15 comments
Read more

regular update

I had my regular oncology appointment in Pittsburgh yesterday. Dr. Villaruz said the scans look good and everything is stable. Although I don’t have much scanxiety nowadays, it’s always a relief to get good news. Just to be sure that my understanding was correct, I asked her why I’m not a candidate for surgery. It’s because of the cancer’s growth pattern. The one nodule that’s visible on the CT scan could just be scarring; she’s not sure if it’s a tumor. When I was diagnosed, I was told the lung cancer was “lepidic.” This means that the tumor cells were growing along the lining of the alveolar structures (air sacs).* That’s why my lungs looked like they were draped in cobwebs. You can’t do surgery in enough places to get all of it. Thankfully, Tagrisso swept out those cobwebs – and continues to do so. We go back in December for a regular appointment. *Lepidic spread tends to be slow-growing, with minimal invasion of nearby tissues, less chance of metastasis, and overall better progno...
10 comments
Read more

Who needs their knees, anyway?

I hadn’t written a blog post about my knee injury because I wasn’t sure whether it was related to cancer, but now I know how they are connected. The short version is that my knee swelled up so badly that I couldn’t walk on the night of May 6th/morning of May 7 th.  Because I am on blood thinners, the knee joint kept filling up with blood, a condition that I learned is called hemarthrosis. I’ve spent the past 4+ weeks meeting with a bazillion doctors (GP, orthopedic doctor, orthopedic oncologist, orthopedic surgeon, hematologist), going to the ER (twice), having my knee drained (3 times), and mostly lying on the sofa for 2 of those weeks, trying to get the swelling to come down. I still have a bit of swelling, but I’ve been able to walk 10-20+ minutes the past week without making it worse. I’m still wearing a compression sleeve, which is a step up from the brace and crutches I was using before. Now for the longer version. There was no particular event that caused the injury. The d...
4 comments
Read more