Skip to main content

Going home

Tomorrow I will go home after 13 days and nights in the hospital, 10 of them in ICU. Leland is driving me back with supplemental oxygen (if needed) and there will be oxygen at home when we arrive. I've lost 10 lbs. and a lot of muscle. I get winded walking around the hospital room. But I am getting stronger and feeling better every day! Most of the day I haven't needed any oxygen.

The song that keeps coming to mind is Freedom. I can’t say I’ve ever been able to move my body like Jon Batiste and his entourage—and I probably never will, no matter how strong my lungs are—but the song captures how I feel on the inside.

I’ve also been reflecting on Christian Brady's writings on the Psalms and lament. They offer “a healthy model for our own journey through grief: cry to God, lament, confess our faith, call God to action, and praise God.” Excerpts from Psalm 86 resonated with me:

Hear me, LORD, and answer me,
for I am poor and needy.
Guard my life, for I am faithful to you;
save your servant who trusts in you.
You are my God; have mercy on me, Lord,
for I call to you all day long.
Bring joy to your servant, Lord,
for I put my trust in you.
You, Lord, are forgiving and good,
abounding in love to all who call to you.
Hear my prayer, LORD;
listen to my cry for mercy.
When I am in distress, I call to you,
because you answer me….
Teach me your way, LORD,
that I may rely on your faithfulness;
give me an undivided heart,
that I may fear your name.
I will praise you, Lord my God, with all my heart;
I will glorify your name forever.
For great is your love toward me;
you have delivered me from the depths,
from the realm of the dead….
Give me a sign of your goodness,
that my enemies may see it and be put to shame,
for you, LORD, have helped me and comforted me.

***
I can't really say that I have any enemies (or frenemies, for that matter), but I am tremendously grateful to my friends and family, as well as the doctors, nurses, and other healthcare professionals, for being signs of God's goodness during the lowest, scariest time in my life.

Comments

  1. Praising our good God with you, Esther!!! For healing you and bringing you thus far. Love those moves on the Freedom video. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! Yeah, do not attempt those moves at home!

      Delete
  2. Rejoicing with you! ~ Kathleen and Rick

    ReplyDelete
  3. So glad you are well enough to go home, Esther! Here’s to your continued healing. Matt and I keep rooting for you.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Replies
    1. Indeed. Classic State College to run into you yesterday.

      Delete
  5. So glad to hear you are heading home soon! That is a great pace of recovery -- keep climbing those [metaphorical] mountains! M&M&S&A

    ReplyDelete
  6. It’s wonderful the three of you will together again under the same roof!! Please don’t overdo when you first get home—you’re going to be super tuckered. Godspeed! - Leah W.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Went out for a first walk (with oxygen) today. VERY slow.

      Delete
  7. Safe journey & see you when you get home! Wooohooo! 🥳

    ReplyDelete
  8. Cannot imagine how good it will feel to be home.

    ReplyDelete
  9. So happy for you, sis!! And thanks for those inspiring psalm excerpts! (Andy)

    ReplyDelete
  10. Lovely post. So glad that you will be home soon. Enjoy the ride.🎉🎉🎉

    ReplyDelete
  11. Happy you get to go home. We know what that feeling is like. Enjoy the ride and take it all in

    ReplyDelete
  12. Esther, thank you for sharing your journey with us via this blog. I am so glad to hear you are home and being cared for. I have recently walked with one of my best friends through his cancer experience and have seen friends and family rally in miraculous ways. We want to be available to you and your family as well. You are loved! Welcome home! Terry & Kendra Yoder

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Tipping point

Dr. El Khouray came in yesterday and determined that I'd reaching a tipping point, meaning the worst is behind me and I've continued to show improvement. This was really, really good news to hear. Proning continues to be very effective, so I've spent a couple hours each morning and afternoon on my stomach, in addition to sleeping on my stomach at night. In the afternoon I invariably fall asleep since there is nothing to do other than listen to an audio book! I'm able to move about the room more; yesterday I did something like 4 little loops with an occupational therapist.  Yesterday I was down to about 11-13 L oxygen/minute. The case manager told me that to go home I need to be at 6 L or less. Today I'm at 6 L and holding steady with my oxygen saturation rate. I haven't talked with a doctor yet today, but I think this means that Monday is still a realistic release date. Until today I had thought that Monday would be out of reach; I didn't want to set myself ...

Back in the hospital

Until about 1pm I had been doing pretty well. I even spent part of the morning off of oxygen during a student's comps exam on Zoom. Then out of nowhere I felt really short of breath; even on 6L (maximum) oxygen my saturation dipped into the 50s at one point. Leland had the brilliant idea of putting both cannulas (oxygen tubes) in my nose--one from the oxygen concentrator (6L) and one from the portable oxygen tank (5L). That helped stabilize my oxygen level until the ambulance came.  So I'm back in the ICU on high-flow oxygen. :( The doctors are investigating various possibilities, including pneumonia, some other kind of infection, side effects of Tagrisso (my cancer medication), or ??? I'm back on heparin (blood thinner), antibiotics, and steroids. My oxygen and heart rate are slowly starting to improve.  Just this morning I had called the Mt. Nittany physicians group to see if I could make an appointment with any of the 3 pulmonologists in their practice. No openings until...

transatlantic flight

The last time I took a transatlantic flight, I barely survived. I had to be carted off the plane by EMS personnel because I was too short of breath to walk even a few steps. Tomorrow I'm flying to England. Needless to say, I'm hoping this flight is uneventful. I'm relieved that my friend and colleague Carol is flying with me (we are presenting at the British Educational Research Association conference in Manchester). I wouldn't have felt comfortable making the trip by myself. I will bring a heavy backup battery for my portable oxygen concentrator because airlines stipulate that you need enough battery power to last 1.5 times the flight duration. I'm not looking forward to having to wear the concentrator tube plus my glasses and a mask (too much COVID still going around) for the 7- to 8-hour flight -- lots of tubes, bands, and apparatuses on my ears, nose, and face. I am grateful that my blood thinners are working and that my lungs have improved enough that I can o...